nothing left to lose (until you came and left me)
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: She refused to wince at the pinching pain. It wasn't part of her happy ever after, so she ignored it resolutely. Soulmate!AU. Warning for Canon Character Deaths.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise. **

_Written for Hogwarts Assignment 2 - Astronomy, Task 4: Write about Andromeda Black _

**Other challenges listed at the bottom. **

**Word Count** \- 1668

_Beta'd by Grandma Lizzy _

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**nothing left to lose (until you came and left me) **

* * *

"Andie, please! You're my—"

"Stay the hell away from me," she snapped, stalking away from him. She wasn't soulmates with Rabastan, she _wasn't_! She'd fought for too long to not become the same as her family and she wasn't going to let him steal that away from her.

Ted was sweet. He was kind and patient, and more than that, he absolutely worshipped the ground she walked on. Andromeda could already see the life the two of them could lead, and it was everything she wanted.

Simple. Clean. Good. _Easy_.

She wasn't going to let Rabastan ruin that for her.

…

_Dear Andromeda, _

_I heard about the wedding. I… I was surprised that you went through with it, I won't lie. Even as I heard about the engagement, I thought you'd see sense in the end. _

_I suppose I was hoping for too much. _

_It doesn't matter. _

_You might be Andromeda Tonks now, but you're still you. You're still my soulmate and taking another man's name isn't going to change that, no matter how much you wish it would. _

_I won't stop waiting for you. _

_I love you. _

_Rabastan. _

…

"It's beautiful out today," Ted commented, placing the cup of tea down on the table beside her. "If I didn't have to work, I'd suggest we go on a nice picnic."

Andromeda glanced up at him from the dress she was tailoring, and smiled. "Maybe it'll hold out until the weekend. We can go on a picnic then, if you'd like?"

"Sounds perfect," he agreed. "I'll see you later?"

She nodded. "I'll be here."

He squeezed her shoulder as he bent to press a kiss to her cheek, and she refused to wince at the pinching pain. It wasn't part of her happy ever after, so she ignored it resolutely.

She'd been doing it long enough that it was second nature now.

…

_Dear Andromeda, _

_She's beautiful. Any child of yours would be, of course, but she really is awfully cute. I do hope you're going to shorten her name to Dora though. Nymphadora is quite the mouthful. _

_Did you choose the name, or did he? _

_I shouldn't ask about him, it only makes me angry and sad to think of you in the arms of another. Especially when I know that you belong in my arms. Do you fit in his as perfectly as you would mine? I doubt it. _

_I had a dream last night that we had children, and they were as beautiful as your Dora. Dark hair and brown eyes, just as beautiful as their mother. _

_I don't think you know how much I crave that to become a reality I fear I'll never know. At least not in this life. _

_I'm still waiting. I'll never stop. _

_I love you. _

_Rabastan. _

…

"I don't understand why you're so sad," Ted muttered. "They deserved what they got!"

"She's still my sister, even if I agree with you," Andromeda replied harshly. She understood why Ted was annoyed, but she couldn't simply turn off her emotions to suit him. "She's ruined her life and she's going to spend the rest of it locked away in that awful prison! I'm allowed to be upset about this, Ted!"

"You're not sad about Bellatrix!" Ted shouted, shaking his head. "You're upset about your precious Rabastan! Admit it, Andie, you still want him!"

Andromeda blinked, caught off guard. "What?"

"I found the letters," Ted said, his voice flat. "All of them."

Heart pounding in her chest, Andromeda said, "I didn't reply to any of them."

"But you still kept them, didn't you?"

…

_Dear Mum and Dad, _

_I'm a Hufflepuff! I changed my hair yellow and black to celebrate, but Professor McGonagall wasn't too impressed with me when I went into Transfiguration this morning. _

_Oops? _

_She made me change it back to the brown I had when I first got here. It's so dull. The other students were all amazed that I was a metamorphmagus, especially the Muggleborns. I had a lot of fun showing them what I could do in the common room last night! _

_And Charlie Weasley thinks it's hilarious. I met him on the train and he's awesome. He's a Gryffindor, but he said houses don't matter, and we can still be friends. I like him, he's cool. _

_I'll write again next week and tell you all about my classes! _

_Love you! _

_Dora. _

…

The house was quiet without Dora, and Andromeda hated it. With Ted at work most of the day, she turned to her art for comfort. She tried to convince herself that she was satisfied with life, but even her imagination wasn't that impressive.

Ted wasn't the same man these days. He'd never been since he found the letters Rabastan had been sending her over the years, and she didn't know how to fix it. She could only be relieved that he hadn't found the ones she'd written in reply, but never sent.

Dipping her brush into the bronze paint, she tried to concentrate on the vase she was painting, but her heart wasn't in it.

She checked the time and spelled her canvas clean, before she applied her paintbrush.

The portrait, done entirely from memory, was shrunken and hidden away where Ted wouldn't find it, along with her letters that she hadn't sent. She couldn't imagine Ted would be impressed if he were to find the young rendition of Rabastan.

Sadly, she wasn't sure if it would matter. The damage was already done.

…

_Stay out of the war, Andromeda. Hide, and keep yourself safe. Please. _

…

Teddy slept peacefully in his cot, and she stroked the hair from his face. He was all she had left. The war had ravaged her 'perfect' life thoroughly. Dora, her beautiful, vibrant daughter, had been felled by a coward in a mask. Ted, missing but presumed dead, on the run for his heritage.

She didn't have any hope for him. He'd have come home by now if he was able.

The last couple of years had been better, she thought he'd forgiven her, or at least let go of the hurt she'd dealt him. It didn't stop her guilt, but it made it hurt more that he was gone when they'd finally been happy again.

Leaving the nursery, Andromeda pottered around the house, making her nightly hot chocolate before she stepped into the bedroom and closed the door.

She wasn't surprised to see Rabastan sitting on her bed. It was… odd, to see him again, after so many years. He looked nothing like her memories, but then, he'd spent years in that soul-sucking hell hole, so that wasn't really a surprise either.

"Why are you here?" she asked, setting her hot chocolate on the nightstand.

"I just wanted to see you," he replied, voice croaky and rough, and not the smooth silky tone she remembered. "One last time."

The Aurors were looking for him, she knew, along with the few other Death Eaters that had escaped capture at the battle of Hogwarts. He'd taken a big risk to come to her, and she hesitated to throw that back in his face.

They were old now, and she had nothing left to lose. At worst, Teddy would still be fine, Harry would take care of him.

She looked at Rabastan properly. Age had done him no favours, but she could see an echo of the man she'd once known in his eyes as he looked back, taking in every line and detail of her face.

"How did you know?" she asked, sitting down beside him.

"You threw a cushion in the common room," he replied. "It hit me in the side of the head and I didn't feel it."

She reached out for his hand and pinched the join between his finger and thumb. He didn't even flinch. When he didn't return the favour, she offered him her own hand.

"Please?"

"What will it change now?" he asked, looking down at her hand.

"I just… I'd like to know. For sure."

Slowly, he reached out and caressed the slightly wrinkled skin of her hand before he pinched hard. She felt nothing. No pain, not even any pressure. A single tear slipped down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Rabastan shook his head. "It's done. I don't want you to feel sad about this. I just… can I just have one night, Andie? Please? Tomorrow, I'll hand myself in, I swear it. I just… I want to have proof that you fit as perfectly in my arms as I always knew you would."

She nodded and slipped into bed, folding the covers of the other side back for him. He wrapped himself around her, and when she felt the shoulder of her nightgown dampen with his tears, she stroked a hand over his hair.

"I'm so sorry, Rabastan."

He was gone when she woke, and two days later, the Prophet proclaimed the capture and imprisonment of Rabastan Lestrange.

…

_Dear Harry, _

_Teddy is looking forward to your visit this weekend. I was actually thinking you could pick him up on Friday and keep him until Sunday if you don't have any other plans? I know he loves sleepovers with you and I could use a break. _

_I… I wanted to ask you for a favour, too. I know it's not technically your department, but I was hoping you could get me a visiting order for Azkaban. _

_I tried so hard, but… I need to see him. _

_I'm not asking you to understand, but he's my soulmate, and I wasted enough of both of our lives. If only I'd been braver, things could have been different. _

_I understand if you can't help me, and I won't blame you. _

_I just… don't know who else to ask about this. _

_Thanks, _

_Andromeda. _

_PS: Teddy demanded I let him enclose his latest picture. He's artistic, even as young as he is, so I'm sure he's expecting this one to go on your fridge. _

* * *

**Written for: **

Assorted Appreciation - 4. Emily - Dressmaking or tailoring / Sending letters / Sharing a bed / "If I didn't have to work, I'd suggest we go on a nice picnic."

Press Play - 4. Artistic

Liza Loves - 13. Sending a letter

Galleon - 61. Bronze

Romance Awareness, Day 13. Your soulmate is the only person who can't hurt you.

Romance Awareness, Extra - 4. "Stay the hell away from me."

365\. 268. Echo


End file.
